Full Circle

Or maybe, full sphere, except it's squashed.

I mean the moon. And I say full circle because here we are back on the full moon, which is right where I left off.

So I spoke to my sister today. "You haven't blogged in a long time," she said.

"I know. There really hasn't been anything going on that I felt was blog worthy," I replied.

It's true. I've been all wrapped up in work and thinking about my Mom, who was ill, but is apparently better now. I just haven't taken time to fully observe the little moments that have happened in my life lately because nothing seemed as powerful as the concern I felt for her well-being.

Deb and I have had this conversation a couple of times about how she hasn't cried since her younger son was a very small boy. I tell her it's because within her emotional self, nothing else can compare to the sheer terror and anguish at the thought of her baby boy suffering.

It's been the same for me with Mom, made that much worse because I couldn't see for myself what was going on; I had to wait for someone back home to fill me in, and often broke down and called to check when I felt I had gone too long without news.

So, why didn't I blog about it? For the same reason I went to call my best friend about 50 times and hung the phone up before I dialed. As soon as I went to start, the tears would come and I could no longer focus on what I wanted to do, and couldn't talk past the frog in my throat if my life had depended on it. I finally got to where I could e-mail her, and when she called me I cried all over the phone, which, of course, is what I needed to do. There is a very good reason she is my best friend. I had spoken to Rick, and I cried when I spoke to him, but it's not the same as the full-hearted boo-hoo that only family or best friends let you do.

Well, that was a very long an emotional break from where I was really going. Apparently, I still haven't quite gotten into focus, but it's coming soon.

Today, when I was speaking to Ann, I mentioned that I had to go to Wal-Mart because Rick is coming over tomorrow to help me (by) hang(ing) my curtains and I needed 2 more rods. I was whining because I didn't want to go to Wal-Mart in Titusville on a weekend. Wal-Mart is bad enough during the week, but on the weekends it is the social center of Titusville - a fact that has made Deb depressed more times than I can count. There's just nothing around here. Titusville is the kind of town that, when you're in the middle of nowhere on the interstate, you pull off at a truck stop for gas/food/potty breaks. Actually, I think there is a truck stop by the interstate. There's a little flurry of business right there by I-95, including a Denny's, a couple of hotels, some other restaurants, a Lowe's, Staples, and of course, Wal-Mart, the social center of Titusville on the weekend.

So when I whined about how busy it was going to be, Ann said, "You should go at 4:00 when the race comes on TV."

"But I was hoping to be taking a nap then. I have to finish this housework, then I was going to take a shower, then a nap."

"So rearrange your schedule a little and take the shower and nap now so you can go out then. It's not hard to do." (Well, yes it is, but it's only because I'm stubborn.)

So, after looking at my vacuum and thinking I'd rather eat live snakes than touch it right then, I decided to follow her advice. I took a hot shower to scrape the McD's off my skin, turned my fan up to full blast and laid down for about an hour.

When I got up, I vacuumed the floors and sofa and love seat (*&^% black haired cats and cream colored furniture), and walked my recycling down to the big bins the complex maintains for us. Then I got my list together and verified how much I had left in my checking account.

I realized I still hadn't deposited my McD's check from Friday, so I wrote out a deposit slip and put it in an envelope with the check so I could slip it in the night drop. Since I was going to the credit union, which is out on SR 1, along the Indian River, I decided to go the long way so I could ride along the water as long as possible. That paid off ten fold at least.

Riding along the water, I occasionally looked out my driver side window at the almost dusk sky. When I cleared a stand of palm trees, I was stunned by the beauty of a brilliantly white full moon coming up over the water. It was luminous to point of looking incandescent. The sky around it was that beautiful water-color merging from slate gray to soft blue to lavender to rose to orange... You get the picture. Below this was the Cape stretching out long and thin, with the VAB standing tall and proud to the south.

I quickly decided that one brief glimpse in passing was not enough for a sight like that. I made a U-turn and pulled into the abandoned parking lot that had the break in the trees that brought me all this splendor. I pulled up to the end of the lot and parked. I sat there for at least 15 minutes just watching the beautiful orb make her slow and steady way upwards into the evening sky. Framed by the palm trees on either side of the opening, it all looked like a picture from a post card. Except that couldn't possibly do it justice. There is something very calming about watching a moonrise - more so, I think than watching a sunrise, which I miss terribly by the way. I can't see it from my new place because there are buildings in the way. Sigh.

So, anyway, thanks, Ann! Not only did you get me out at just the right time, but you gave me something to blog about!