Dumb Me

Tonight I was being a selfish idiot, and now that I realize this, I will suck it up and take advantage of another set of life's crazy hidden gifts.

Yaw and I have moved, not so much by choice as by the puppet strings of the Universe - the narrator behind the scenes is whispering "Hey - that's not where you're supposed to be. Over there - go over there." So the puppetteer moves us over to somewhere else. I don't mind that very much; it's all part of the adventure.

I mind being tired. I am mentally and physically exhausted by all that has happened recently, and by the work that I know remains. In order to keep pace, I have had to push my limits beyond what my illness has allowed. Add to that a brief visit yesterday with my best friend and her husband - a visit to the beach that didn't turn out as planned and ended up at a pub in town; a surprise invite to my niece's wedding today and an afternoon and evening spent with her and most of my sister's family; and a surprise phone call from my cousin who lives 6 hours away stating she'll be in my area tomorrow and wants to have dinner.

What I'm being an idiot about is this. When I came into the house tonight, the first words out of my mouth were terribly negative. Rather than focusing on the fact that I have all these amazing people wanting to spend time with me while they can, all I could say is "Why are you all doing this NOW?" How amazingly shelfish and unappreciative! How can I be such a bloody idiot? I should be jumping for joy at the chance to see them - especially since it is so rare I get to spend time with any of them at all. How can I be so selfish as to say that they shouldn't all want to see me at once?

I'm just dumb sometimes. Really. Really. Dumb.