In truth, am I really any different? Any more honest or truthful with you or with myself?
Can I honestly say that my requests or demands are any less self serving than your refusal to agree to them?
I say that I cannot live with the lies, the lack of commitment, the lack of attention, or of support.
Have I given you the same things I asked of you? Have I actually earned these things that I claim I deserve?
I don't know. I don't know if I can live with you, and I don't know if I can live without you.
I am completely at odds with you and with myself. And the chaos in my life is no less than it was when we were together. I was sure if I let you go, that the chaos would recede.
I try to let go the control, and find it clinging desperately to my spirit like a dog with separation anxiety.
And I just don't know what to do about it.
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