Hood-Surfing Spider

Driving home from work tonight, I happened to take note of what appeared to be a large bird dropping on the hood of my truck, complete with little twig pieces sticking out of it.

Until it moved.

OK, don't panic; it's on the outside of the vehicle. Everythingsfineitcantgettomeinsidehereilljustrollthewindowuptobeonthesafeside...

I have a spider living on my truck. [It should be noted that I have been watching this rather quick and clever spider grow up for a couple of months now. And I do mean grow up. When I first saw it, it was the size of my index fingernail (just the body, not including the legs); now its body is the size of my thumbnail and the legs are getting longer every day. Ick.]

Now, after determining that I was as safe from the icky spider as I could be, I glanced at it occasionally (because I was still driving), observing its behavior and reaction to the general circumstance of being up on the hood of a vehicle going about 45 - 50 mph on average. It seemed to be enjoying the ride. It would sit still for while, sometimes moving one icky leg up into the air and letting the wind push against it - the same thing many humans do when riding inside a vehicle, one arm hanging out the window, feeling the air pass between the fingers.

I was grotesquely fascinated. I watched as if viewing the onslaught of some horrible natural disaster on the news. Fortunately traffic was thin around me as I observed this.

Eventually the spider decided it had gotten enough hood surfing for one day and it started moving towards the cab of the truck. Breathe. It can't get in.

Oh, wait! This is an icky spider! One of the really icky things about spiders is their amazing ability to squeeze their hard little exoskeletons through spaces much too tiny. Oh, sure. Now I won't panic at all.

As I watched in mortal fear, the spider worked its way towards me; and to my great horror, crawled down into the gap between the hood and the frame just under the windshield. The magical no man's land of space that is neither fully on top of the hood, nor completely below it. Visions of the icky spider popping out of the AC vent ran through my head as I approached the gate to my complex. Fighting off my terror, I resolved to open the window and scan my gate key as quickly as possible so I could get the window closed before it could jump on me.

I managed to get through the gate unmolested. Then I forced myself to stop at the mailbox and look for bills. (It's not bad enough that I might be attacked by an evil, hood surfing spider, but it's going to happen when I am being tortured by the evil mailbox of bills from people I don't want to pay!) Oh, wait. That's not a bill, it's a box. It's a Christmas Present! Yay!

So, eventually I pulled up in my parking spot and began getting my pile of stuff ready to carry in with me, the whole time watching cautiously (OK, watching in typical paranoid fashion) for any sign of the icky spider lurking somewhere from whence it could jump on me.

It's out there. Waiting. It's just watching for a moment when I'm on an Interstate going about 80. Then it's going to jump from the visor and land right on my face and make me crash. And if I manage to survive the crash, I will have to explain to the nice officer "But you see,there was this spider..."